Divorce

When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, “I’ve got something to tell you.” She sat down and ate quietly.

Again I observed the hurt in her eyes. Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. “I want a divorce.” I raised the topic calmly.

She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, “Why?” I avoided her question.

This made her angry.

She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, “You are not a man!” That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Dew.

 

I didn’t love her anymore.

 

I just pitied her!

 

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Dew so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release.

The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now. The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Dew. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible.

Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage. This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that everyday for the month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Dew about my wife’s divorce conditions. She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. “No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce,” she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mummy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; “Don’t tell our son about the divorce.” I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door.

She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again.

 

I didn’t tell Dew about this.

It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger. She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily. Suddenly it hit me… she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, “Dad, it’s time to carry mum out.” To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway.

Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day. But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school.

 

I held her tightly and said, “I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy.”

 

I drove to office… jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind… I walked upstairs. Dew opened the door and I said to her, “Sorry, Dew, I do not want the divorce anymore.”

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. “Do you have a fever?” She said.

I moved her hand off my head. “Sorry, Dew,” I said, “I don’t want the divorce.

“My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other any more. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart.” Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears.

I walked downstairs and drove away. At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, ‘I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.’

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed – dead.

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank, blah..blah..blah. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves.

Rewind: What’s for Dinner Tonight 12/22/2009

Tegah Degeh

 

West African Dish (Peanut Butter Sauce)

 

**Rewind**

Ok first off let me just say this some people refer to this sauce and Peanut butter soup. I’m not sure if it’s the same thing or consist of the same ingredients but a number of  people from Mali call it peanut butter sauce so with that being said I will list the ingredient and preparation for the **sauce** Insha Allah. I’m thinking maybe the soup is more watery were as the sauce I make is more thicker.

~Ingredients~  ©
1 pkg beef stew meat *** cut up in smaller pieces *** or the size you like
2cups chopped okra
1 lg onion diced or two medium
2 tblsp chopped garlic
3 tblsp oil
1 can tomato paste
2 tblsp of creamy peanut butter ( I use generic because the name brands I’ve used in the past were too sweet for me so the brand i use is Parade again it’s to your liking
2or3 halal maggie*** chicken*** you can use the beef one’s if you like but me personally I only use the chicken ones for every dish.
1o2 habanero peppers chopped or whole ***depending on your tolerance because they are HOT!!!!!!!!!!
********************************************************************************

 ©

1.saute onions,garlic okra,peppers in oil until onions are transparent add crumble two maggie cubes stir then add 1/2 can of tomato paste and stir until it’s mix well add the meat let the meat mix saute for about 6or7 min stirring frequently to prevent sticking after meat starts browning add 1 cup of water and let every thing simmer for about 10 min or until start boiling now at this point i taste it to see if i need to add another maggie cube then i add the peanut butter and another 1/2 cup of water and let it all cook slowly for about 20 mins or so and stirring it occasionally to prevent sticking now this is how i know it’s done you will notice like a red oil forming on the top from the tomato paste and peanut butter my husband says when you see that oil that’s when it’s done and it should be thicker now Insha Allah. That’s it then make a pot or rice cooker full of rice I use Jasmin rice.
plate it or bowl it,,,,,,,,, take one heaping spoon full of rice place in center of plate or bowl and spread it out and add a few spoon fulls of sauce on top of your rice or to the side in another dish if you don’t like your foods to touch and that it. Enjoy

The Reward Associated with Test/Trials

THE REWARD ASSOCIATED WITH TESTS/TRIALS

Certainly testing is a station for a while (i.e. it is temporary). It erases the sins just as the leaves fall from a tree, as mentioned in the ahaadeeth narrated by Abu Sa`eed Al-Khudri and Abu Hurairah رضي الله عنهما that the Prophet said, “No fatigue, nor disease, nor sorrow, nor sadness, nor hurt, nor distress befalls a Muslim, even if it were the prick he receives from a thorn, but that Allaah expiates some of his sins for that.”[4] Abu Hurairah رضي الله عنه also narrated that the Messenger صلى الله عليه وسلم said, “If Allaah wants to do good to somebody, He afflicts him with trials.” [5]

In a hadeeth narrated by Abdullah ibn `Umar رضي الله عنهما, he said “I visited the Prophet during his ailments and he was suffering from a high fever. I said, “You have a high fever. Is it because you will have a double reward for it?” He said, “Yes, for no Muslim is afflicted with any harm except that Allaah will remove his sins as the leaves fall from a tree.”[6]

Hence, the reward is affirmed regarding every type of harm or hurt, tangible or intangible, if the believer patiently perseveres and anticipates the reward. As Anas bin Maalik رضي الله عنه reported: I heard Allaah’s Messenger صلى الله عليه وسلم saying, “Allaah said, ‘If I deprive my slave of his two beloved things (i.e. his eyes) and he remains patient, I will let him enter Paradise in compensation for them.’”[7]

Tests and trials are a means to removing sins (from the believers) and all the children of Adam commit sins. Tests and trials may also raise one’s degree enabling one to move on to a higher level in Paradise as in the hadeeth where Allaah’s Messenger صلى الله عليه وسلم said, “Allaah سبحانه وتعالى says to His angels when they take the soul of a person’s child, ‘You took the fruit of his heart.’ They (the angels) say, ‘Yes.’ Then Allaah says, ‘What did My slave say (upon that)?’ They say, ‘He praised you and made istirjaa’ (meaning he said, Innaa lillaahi wa inna ilayhi raaji`oon’ – To Allaah we belong and to Him we shall return). So Allaah سبحانه وتعالى says, ‘Build for My slave a house in Paradise and name it The House of Praise’.”[8] This is reported by Imaam Ahmad and Shaykh al-Albaanee graded it Hasan.

In another hadeeth reported in Saheeh Muslim: Any Muslim who is hurt by a thorn or greater than that, Allaah سبحانه وتعالى will remove a sin from him and elevates him a degree (raise his status) because of that.[9] So (he is raised) degree above degrees, until he reaches his final degree in Paradise which comes due to his patience and above that, due to the Favour of Allaah سبحانه وتعالى, as He سبحانه وتعالى says in Surah az-Zumar, verse 10:
 
إِنَّمَا يُوَفَّى الصَّابِرُونَ أَجْرَهُم بِغَيْرِ حِسَابٍ
{Only those who are patient shall receive their reward in full, without reckoning.} [Az-Zumar 39:10]
 
Thus calamities, trials and tests are signs of love from Allaah for the believers. They are comparable to a cure; although it may be bitter, you accept it because it is from the one whom you love; and to Allaah belongs the best example. As comes in the hadeeth, the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم said: “The magnitude of the reward is proportional to the magnitude of the affliction. When Allaah سبحانه وتعالى loves some people, He tests them. He who is content (with Allaah’s decree) will receive the Pleasure (of Allaah سبحانه وتعالى); and he who is discontent will attain the wrath (of Allaah سبحانه وتعالى).”[10] Related by at-Tirmidhi and Sheikh al-Albaanee رحمه الله graded it Saheeh.

Imam ibn Al Qayyim said: The ibtilaa’ (testing) of the believer is like medicine for him. It cures him from illness. Had the illness remained it would destroy him or diminish his reward and level (in the hereafter). The tests and the trials extract these illnesses from him and prepare him for the perfect reward and the highest of degrees (in the life to come).”[11] Certainly the affliction of tests and trials is better to the believer than the punishment of the hereafter. Certainly it is a cause for the elevation of one’s rank and expiation for his sins, and therefore it is better.

In the hadeeth, Allaah’s Messenger صلى الله عليه وسلم said, “If Allaah intends good for the Believer He hastens his punishment in this life and if He intends otherwise, He withholds his punishment for his sin until he re-compensates him for it on the Day of Resurrection.”[12] Reported by at-Tirmidhi and Sheikh al-Albaanee رحمه الله authenticated it. The People of Knowledge made it clear that this is in reference to the one who is a hypocrite. Allaah سبحانه وتعالى withholds the punishment from him in this life to give him his full account on the Day of Resurrection; and we seek refuge in Allaah from such.

Children of the Hearafter

Children of the Hereafter
It is reported from ‘Alî b. Abî Tâlib –Allah be pleased with him – that he said:
The thing I fear for you most is following desires and having extensive hopes (about this worldly life). Following one’s desires blocks you from the truth, and having extensive hopes makes you forget the hereafter. Verily, this worldly life is departing and the hereafter is approaching and each of them has its children. So be children of the hereafter, not children of this world, for today there are (opportunities to do) deeds and there is no reckoning, but tomorrow there will be reckoning and no deeds.
Quoted by Al-Bukhârî, Al-Sahîh, The Book of Raqâ`iq without the first sentence. Reported in its entirety by Abû Nu’aym, Hilyah Al-Awliyâ` Vol.1 p40, and others.
 
Al-Hâfidh Ibn Hajr states in Fath Al-Bârî:
Extensive hopes (about this worldly life) give rise to lethargy when it comes to acts of obedience, procrastinating with repentance, desire for worldly things, forgetfulness of the hereafter and hardness of the heart; because the softness of the heart and its purity only comes about by remembering death, the grave, reward and punishment, and the horrors of the hereafter…for if one remembers death, he strives to do acts of obedience, his worries decrease and he is satisfied with less

Striving to know this beautiful Man

Life of the Messenger – His Mannerisms
A nice and simple yet concise article about the mannerisms of our beloved Prophet (salallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam), I thought it would be something we could read to our kids.  Even the very young will be able to understand and benefit from most of it inshallah.

Excerpt from: Life of the Messenger salAllaahu 3alayhi wasalaam
By: Imaam Aboo Zakaariyyah Yahyaa bin Sharaf an-Nawaawee ad-Dimaashqee [rahimahullaah]
Pages 42-49

The mannerisms of the Prophet salAllaahu 3alayhi wasalaam

He salAllaahu 3alayhi wasalaam was the most generous of people and he was never so generous as he was in the month of Ramadhaan. He had the best morals and manners and the best physical constitution. His hands were the softest of hands, he was the most pleasant smelling of them and the most intelligent and perspicuous of them. He was the best of them with regards to companionship and good nature, the most courageous of them and the one who had the most knowledge of Allaah subhannahu wa ta3alaa. He had the most fear of Allaah ta3alaa, he never became angry for personal motives and neither did he take revenge for personal motives. He only became angry when the sacred laws of Allaah, the Mighty and Magnificent, were violated and nothing would appease his anger until the truth was aided. When he became angry he would turn aside or avert his face.

His manners were the Qu’raan and he was the most humble of people. He would fulfill the needs and requirements of his family and lower his wing in mercy to the weak. He was never asked for anything to which his reply would be in the negative. He was the most forbearing of people, and had a greater sense of modesty and shame than a virgin secluded in her private room. He viewed the near and the far, the strong and the weak all the same.

He never criticized food, if he desired it, he ate it and if not he left it. He would not eat while reclining and neither upon an eating table. He would eat what was easy and readily available. He used to love sweets and honey, gourd used to please him.

He salAllaahu 3alayhi wasalaam said:

“ What an excellent condiment is vinegar”

[Muslim- no. 2051]

“ The superiority of ‘Aaishah over all women is like the superiority of ath-Thaarid (a mixture of bread, meat and broth) over all food”

[al-Bukhaaree – no.’s 3770, 549, 5428]

His favourite part of the sheep was the shoulder.

Abee Hurayraah radiyaAllaahu 3anhu said:

“ The Messenger of Allaah salAllaahu 3alayhi wasalaam left the world without ever eating his fill of barley bread”

[al-Bukhaaree- no.’s 3770, 5419,5428 and Muslim {no.2426}]

A month or two would go by without a fire being lit in any of his houses.

He used to partake of gifts but would not touch that which was given in charity. He would reward a gift with a gift. He would fix his own sandals and sow his own clothes. He would visit the sick and accept the invitation of the rich, poor, noble and lowly like, he would never look down contemptuously upon anyone.

Sometimes, he would sit with his knees drawn to his chest, holding his shins with his hands, sometimes cross-legged and sometimes reclining. Most of the times he would sit in the first posture. He would eat with three of his fingers and would lick them [clean]. He would drink water in three sips, taking a breath between each outside of the vessel that contained the water.

He would speak in comprehensive and concise words, he would repeat his words three times so that they be understood clearly. His words were clear and understandable to all who heard him and he would not speak unless there was a need to do so.

He would not stand or sit except that he made dhikr of Allaah, the Exalted. He rode a horse, camel, donkey and mule, sometimes having Mu’aadh sit behind him on a camel and on a donkey, he would not allow anyone to walk behind him.

He would tie a rock firmly on his stomach out of hunger and he and his family would lie down to sleep while still hungry. His bed was made of leather skin, being filled with palm-fibres. He would seldom partake of the delight and pastime of the world, even when he did, taking only a little. Allaah, the Exalted, had given him the keys to the treasures of the whole world, but he refused to accept them, preferring the Hereafter instead.

He would frequently and consistently perform the dhikhr of Allaah, constantly would be in a state of contemplation. Most of the times his laugh would consist of a smile and sometimes he would laugh such that his molar teeth showed. He loves scents and hated distasteful smells. He joked, but would not say ought but the truth. He would accept the excuses presented to him by people and he was as Allaah, the Exalted, described him:

“ Indeed, there has come to you a Messenger from amongst yourselves, grievous to him is what you suffer. He is deeply concerned about you and kind and merciful to the believers”

[at-Tawbaah, 9:128]

“ Pray for them, indeed your prayers bring about relief for them”

[at-Tawbaah, 9:103]

His censuring would consist of his alluding and hinting at something or someone, [for example]:

“ What is the matter with people that they set conditions that are not in the Book of Allaah, the Exalted”

[al-Bukhaaree- no.’s 2155, 2563 and Muslim- no. 1504]

and the likes.

He would command with gentleness and he would encourage gentleness while prohibiting rudeness and harshness. He would encourage forgiveness, clemency and all virtuous morals and manners.

He loved starting with his right side when cleaning, putting his shoes on, combing his hair and indeed in all of his affairs. His left hand was reserved for cleaning himself after having relieved himself and for whatsoever was deemed offensive. When he slept or lay down, he would lie down on his right side, facing the Qiblaah.

His gatherings would be conducted with forbearance and modesty, conducted with integrity and honesty, and were places of patience and tranquility. No voice was raised therein, women were not needlessly discussed, rather matters inducing taqwaa were discussed and those present would be humble, giving due respect to the elders, showing mercy to the young, giving precedence to the needs of the needy and protecting the stranger. Hence they would leave having been guided to and guiding to the good.

He would bring his Companions together in unity, he would honour the head of every nation and enjoin him to govern their affairs. He would ask after his Companions. He was not one who spoke indecently or promoted indecent speech and action. He would not recompense an evil with an evil, rather he would forgive and overlook. He never struck a servant or woman, indeed he never struck anything except when he was fighting in the Way of Allaah, the Exalted.

He was never given a choice between two matters except that he would choose the easier matter as long as it did not involve any sin.

The evidences for all that I have mentioned are famous and can be found in the Saheeh. Allaah, the Glorious and Exalted, combined in him perfect manners and beautiful habits and temperament. He granted him the knowledge of the previous and later people [1] and that, which contains victory and success. This despite the fact that he was illiterate, not being able to read or write, having no human teacher. Allaah granted him what He had not granted any of the creation and chose him above all the first and later people. Abundant peace and blessings be upon him perpetually until the Day of Judgment.

It is established in the Saheeh from Anas ibn Maalik radiyAllaahu 3anhu who said:

“ I have not touched silk brocade or silk that was finer to touch than the hands of the Messenger of Allaah salAllaahu 3alayhi wasalaam. I have not smelt anything that was more pleasant than the smell of the Messenger of Allaah salAllaahu 3alayhi wasalaam. I served the Messenger of Allaah salAllaahu 3alayhi wasalaam for ten years and he never once said to me, “uff”, neither did he ever say to something that I did, “ why did you do it” or to something that I did not do, “ have you not done such and such”?

[al-Bukhaaree, no. 3561 and Muslim, no. 2309]
————————————————————————————————–
FOOTNOTES

[1] There is some generality in this sentence (that requires explanation). The meaning of the author, ‘ He granted him the knowledge of the previous and later people’ ie. knowledge of the unseen that Allaah conferred upon him. Allaah, the Exalted says:

“ [He is ] the Knower of the unseen and He does not disclose His [knowledge of the] unseen to anyone, except whom He has approved of messengers..”

[al-Jinn, 72:26-27]

As for that which Allaah did not confer upon him, then in this portion he is like the remainder of mankind,

“ Say: I do not tell you that I have depositories [containing the provision] of Allaah, nor that I know the unseen, nor do I tell you that I am an Angel. I only follow what is revealed to me…”

[Al-An’aam, 6:50]

The correct statement to say is:

“ He has taught you that which you did not know”

[an-Nisaa, 4:113]

Taken from here